Saturday
morning down old London town and Cockney Cunt is setting up his stall
to flog his latest bulk buy acquisition. We eavesdrop on his selling technique:
"…Alwight girls n boys…cum on ap…cum on ap…look
wot I’ve gothcha this week…a fackin brill CD…yes luv
I know youse didn’t hav em in the war…stoopid fack…go
wiv the times gal…looksee…This…this…is the fackin
dogs bollocks…I’ve only gotcha the crème de la fackin
crème of Industrial noise kulture…all in wun fackin package…I
aint selling youse wun CD…I aint selling youse two CDs…nah…I’m
fackin selling youse free CDs for the fackin price of wun…fackin
bargain of the year…free fackin CDs…luv a fackin duck…oose
on it…ooose fackin on it…oose not fackin on it more like…uve
got SRP, Government Alpha, Virologic, Sickness, Drape Excrement, Today
I’m Dead…u fackin wish luv…hur, hur…The Grey Wolves,
Atrax Morgue, Taint, Grunt…there’s more…fackin much
more…Ex.Order, Skin Crime, Propergol, Streicher, Survival Unit,
Wutanes Heer…forget the fackin war luv…let bygones be bygones…fack
me…Napalmed, Irkarah, Anon Plus…course u aint heard of em
luv…youse a fackin Ceelon Deelon fackin fan aintcha…nah u
see…this pak is for the discerning con-oo-sur of fackin noise music…40
fackin different acts…40 fackin pieces of extreme music and power
electronics…fackin luvly jubbly…course its fackin good…fackin
better than that u cant…u’ll get rehoused by the fackin council
if youse play it too loud…fuckin bangin stuff…course they
fackin swear on sum of the songs…but ooh gives a fack eh…cum
on…free for the price of wun…fackin bargain…be fuckin
different luv…show ur class…if youse don’t like it youse
can bring it back…don’t worry ur sweet brown bread…youse
got the Cockney Cunt promise on this facker…you’ll fackin
luv it…buy wun for all your fackin family…fackin luvly stuff…the
Queen mam wooda ad wun if she weren’t bleedin dead…Gawd bless
her…fack me luv…any more fackin questions and I’d fink
youse be a rozzer…nah it’s not all fackin loud stuff…there’s
a fackin mix of styles…sum facking quiet…kinda…and sum
fackin…LOUD…gottcha there dahling…an sum hav got samples…samples
luv…nut fackin urine samples dahling…youse taking the fackin
piss aintcha…fackin listen will ya…deaf cant…so cum
on…free for fackin wun…wot youse waiting for…buy of
the fackin century.
With that we leave Cockney Cunt to his sales patter whilst clutching our
own copy fervently to our chests. Various Terrorists - "Don’t
Hunt What You Can’t Kill" is exactly as that cockney cunt described.
Disclaimer…Cockney Cunt bulk bought his supply from a dodgy geezer
at the Spitting Brown Duck pub down the Old Kent road. You may have to
pay more for a copy than he was selling them for. Still worth every extra
penny spent though.
ANM
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